Yet another non-movie-related post

Hello, loyal readers! As you probably haven't noticed, I have recently been on hiatus from the grotesque haunted carnival funhouse mirror reflection of my life that is OWNAGE DU CINEMA in order to spend more time with my family. However, sometimes life brings events that are more important than one's children. This is one of those times.

Several weeks ago I became aware of the New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest. I immediately realized that I was destined to win, as this is a contest that is predicated upon the thing that I do best: Writing shit that no one else thinks is funny. I expected to keep submitting captions for years, always wondering if this would be the week that I finally made it to the top 3. Maybe it would become a family tradition, with me passing the torch of submitting cartoon captions to The New Yorker on to my children, and they to their children, and so on, for generations. Maybe I would meet a girl who doesn't go for droll one-liners but instead slapstick, and I'd lose interest in New Yorker Cartoons and spend my time trying to craft the perfect pie-to-the-face gag or banana peel slip. What I DIDN'T expect to happen is that I would make the top 3 after less than a handful of submissions. This, of course, is precisely what happened.

"Why are you telling us this, Joseph?" I can hear you asking. Well, it is because I must ask you to do something for me in my time of need. If you love me, if you have ever loved me, or if you plan to love me in the future, please vote for my caption here. It may be the most important thing you ever do in your entire life.